American Omnibus

 Billy Bob and Luther were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob tells Luther,”Ya know, I reckon I’m ’bout ready for a vacation.  Only this year I’m gonna do it a little different.  The last few years, I took your advice about where to go.  Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii. I went to Hawaii and Earlene got pregnant.  Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas, and Earlene got pregnant again.  Last year you suggested Tahiti and darned if Earlene didn’t get pregnant again.”

Luther asks Billy Bob, “So, what you gonna do this year that’s different?”

Billy Bob replies, “This year I’m taking Earlene with me.“

‘Hello, is this the Sheriff’s Office?’
‘Yes. What can I do for you?’
‘I’m calling to report ’bout my neighbor Virgil Smith….He’ s hidin’ marijuana inside his firewood!  Don’t quite know how he gets it inside them logs, but he’s hidin’ it there.’
‘Thank you very much for the call, sir.’

The next day, the Sheriff’s Deputies descend on Virgil’s house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept.  Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They sneer at Virgil and leave.